Archive for August, 2006

If I had a Chinese relative, I wish they’d die already:

Chinese Law

So you’ve recently purchased a vibrator or one of those personal massagers for your “neck pain,” you’ve gotten home, settled down comfortably in your bed for some “relief” and you begin to impatiently open the package. “What’s this?” you think, and your mind begins to wander in confusion. You’ve most likely just noticed the surprisingly daunting
warning label on the package which reads, “Do not use on unexplained calf pain.”

Upon seeing this for the first time I laughed at the
absurdity of only referencing calf pain. Surely if there was problems with using a vibrator on calf pain it would apply to pain in other parts
of the body. However, after some time I noticed that most of the vibrators, ahem, personal massagers, I had come across had this
warning label.

After doing a little research I came across the FDA website stating that all buzzing contraptions for “personal” use must carry this warning.
Well if the FDA says so it must be true. Granted, while I do have some skepticism against governmental organizations, I will often take their
word more seriously than a company that makes cheap plastic vibrating items. So the FDA says using such an item on “unexplained calf pain”
is a no-no, but they leave out the why-why. I had asked a few friends who are “well versed” in sex toys and they couldn’t come up with
an answer either, with the exception of the ever knowledgable in all things sex toys, Morgan from Sinsations Adult Boutique in Austin, Tx. Sinsations Website

Turns out such “unexplained calf pain” could be a sympton of a form of blood clot known as Deep Vein Thrombosis. Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT)
is a disease wherein a formation of a blood clot is located inside a deep vein of a lower extremity, i.e. calf or thigh.
This clot will restrict blood flow through the vein. A deep vein is necessary for blood circulation to important muscles and in turn
is quite useful for bringing blood back to the heart. DVT can be caused by various factors, lack of exercise, injuries, pregnant women
are more likely to suffer from DVT, obesity, etc. DVT has most recently become known as “Economy-class syndrome,” due to the cramp seating
arrangements in economy class airplane sections. By sitting with your legs bent and cramped up for hours on end, some run the risk
of suffering from DVT. No longer is the day of your major airplane concern being venomous snakes roaming about the cabin.

So what does this have to do with vibrators? By applying your favorite little powerful vibrating stick to this area, you run the risk of
breaking the blood clot from the wall of the vein and moving through the blood stream. Sounds bad, doesn’t it? Why yes, it does. This silly
little blood clot can enter in to an artery or even in to your lungs causing a pulmonary embolism. In laymens term, you gonna die sucka!
If you do have “unexplained calf pain,” then the best thing to do is, say it with me kids…go see a doctor. That’s right.

In the mean time
keep using those personal massagers on the parts of the body where they belong, you’re sore neck after a long day of work.