Archive for January, 2007

How do I keep from getting board(sic) and tired while giving handjobs?

1/24/07

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Call a friend! Well okay, this is low-ball humor, but this can also be interpreted in various helpful ways. For the purposes of this article let’s assume that you have tried little or no deviations from the normal twist and turn method.

Ergonomics

What part of your body is getting tired while giving handjobs? The muscles in your hands? Your wrists? Your forearms? Consider your placement as well as his. While receiving a delicious handjob kind of gives a sense of king on the throne whilst being fed grapes by virgin Nubians, the HJ giver can call the shots as much as s/he wants. You may try to
attempt different positions that may give more rest to the muscles that give you the most rest. Have him sit on a chair with you in between your legs. Rest your elbows on his knees and have at it.

The best approach is to position yourself as if you are apart of him. Have both you lay on your side, (spooning as you kids call it) and reach around and do the job. This will give the romantic, sensual and sexual feeling of every inch of your bodies pressed against each other.

Boredom

Boredom becomes an issue when you are not captivated, stimulated, or engaged. Involve something that gets you going during the luscious hank wank sessions you’re giving your buddy. For women, ask your man to lay down spread eagle so that you can ride his thigh like a mechanical bucking bronco in smokey western bars while you grip hard onto his cock for balance. Essentially one of the best ways to steer clear from boredom is to give yourself pleasure while you are pleasing him.

The larger point here is to bring the handjob into a realm where both partners are equally involved. Rather than the seperation of the giver and the givee. If you are doing the giver and the givee, you can turn it into a role play. Unless this is a role-play, there shouldn’t be a large emotional disconnect between the giver and the givee. Mutual masturbation might encourage interest. Perhaps take a long walk off of a short pier holding hand and hand, then once falling in the water, you each have to jerk the other off. The one who comes first wins and gets to swim to the top of the water for air. Obviously there are dire consequences in this game, however, attending juvenile games to pleasing
each other will make it playful, fun and captivating!

From Paul Abdul: 1/22/07:

How important is the “list” to men? It just seems that men are pretty callous and don’t give a fuck who they’re fucking, so do they keep track? I know that this is too general, but in general, you know, do most men keep track? And if so, is the number that their lady friends sleep with a problem for most? Lets say I slept with 30 people. Would it scare a man off, or should I lie and say it was more like 3? I don’t know. This is a stupid question.

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To Paula Abdul:

The “List” game is as old as the keys in a fish bowl game at swingers parties in the mid-west. Someone who holds any weight against your character due to the number of people you’ve had sexual contact with is most likely someone who is asking due to issues of jealousy and possessiveness.

Should you lie? Depends, are you looking for a one-night stand? Well then fuck yes lie. But lie intelligently by giving a general number, something not too small to make the other think you have no idea what you’re doing and nothing too big so that they don’t think that you’re Jenny from around the block.

Are you interested in something more long term, then if that answer gives you anxiety then answer it when you’re comfortable enough. We don’t want you saying “30″ while vomiting in your partners lap.

So yes, play it by ear, by person, by situation, by context, and by attractiveness of genitalia.

Furthermore, what plays into these circumstances is notions of what  “normal” female sexual desire and life should be like vs. what a “normal” male sexual desire and life with be like. The whole Madonna V. Whore complex. If a straight male asks a straight woman this question, he’s usually trying to get a gauge as to how skilled you are, but also how refined and feminine you are.

I have indeed heard a man said that he knows women who look masculine and aged, because…and I shit you not, “they have slept around so much with men that they have literally been filled with testosterone, which has taken over her body. Causing her to lose her feminine features and gain masculine features, hence looking “very aged.” His words. I can go on forever on how wrong this is in so many ways; psychologically, biochemically, culturally, etc. But I’m digressing.

Stick to your guns and play it by situation. Be a sexual chameleon!

At Work:

Coworker: Getting laid this weekend?
Me: *laughs* No, not unless the magical
fuck fairy shows up.
Coworker: Yeah, and she’ll break your teeth if you’re lucky!

I have decided to kabash the whole giving out a communal email for people to use. Unforeseen issues will occur, I am sure of that.

So, in the mean time, email me with your questions using the email provided at the top of the page underneath the headline, make the subject “Sex Question for David.”

If you know me and have issues of confidentiality, then I totally understand. Here are two options:

(1) Create a dummy yahoo or gmail account that doesnt have your real name attached. A lot of people have these accounts for various reasons; spam, etc. You can use that email to send me questions.

(2) Ask me a question on my blog, I may create a brand new post based solely on answering your question, and I may not. Therefore leaving me with little ability to get back to you, other than reposting on the blog. Being the organization whore that I am, I’d rather just do the email thing. But thats just me.

So email or post your questions away.

And please tell your friends about this, I am trying to improve my notoriety in this type of world and would love to get more users that I can help with their daily sex related questions.

Cheers,
David

Hey David, nice subject line.

I am an undergraduate who wants to make it with graduate students
(not you! No offense). Where can I find these elusive, sleep-deprived
entities, and what’s the best way to approach them? Male/female
doesn’t really matter.

–clever acronym

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Dear Clever Acronym,

I think a lil espionage might have to be the call for this adventure. Find out which coffee shops are most frequented by upper-division grad students and hang out there. Taking a grad level class may be too much, but it might also seem just worth it to you. Think of it as a participatory observation. You’re Jane Goodall and you want to understand the world of the apes, therefore, you become one of them to the best degree that you can while maintaining you’re own sense of who you are. Obviously Jane Goodall didn’t TRANSFORM into an ape, but you know. And god forbid you transform into a grad student, ew.

Find common areas where grad students hang out, join local clubs or organizations, etc. Like I said, you’ll be a detective and an anthropologist, things will work out in no time.

So it seems like my previous post where I had others ask questions about STD’s and I’d answer them went very well. It also seems to continue to grow.

So I figured I’d open it up some more.

You can email me with any sex-related question you and I will answer the ones I feel that are most important or can apply to many on this blog. The others I will attempt to answer by email. I will keep everything as confidential as possible. I will take out any characteristics that may point to you.

My personal email is:
david@omniphilia.com

Ask away!

I plan on writing a broad cover article of STD’s and STI’s, but I wanted to make this an open post. This is a post where anyone can ask any question about STD’s & STI’s and can remain totally anonymous and receive a completely thorough, non-judgmental answer. This is the forum.

Any question dying to be answered? Are you curious if one sex act is more risky than another? Did you engage in something and your worried what your risk-level is? Ask here!