Archive for February, 2007

Hey David,

I was on SSRIs for the entirety of adolescence, starting before
menarche or noticeable pubescence. Six months ago, I stopped taking
these drugs for the first time in seven/eight years, fully expecting
the solipsist’s apocalypse. Neither happened. The following bears
mentioning though: the change in both worldview and identity is
pervasive and psychologically unintelligible, as there appears to be
no clinical lexicon for withdrawal from prescribed, non-addictive
psychoactive drugs.

SSRIs have extreme sexual side-effects, which has only become clear
to me now. This is my first time experiencing unimpeded sexuality,
and not just in the psychologically repressive sense. I cannot render
intelligible the problems this has caused, aside from saying that
it’s difficult to accept a new part of my personality which existed
previously in a strangulated form, and the knowledge that this
previous form was artificial creates further complications.

Here is the actual question. As someone with more professional
knowledge of psychiatry, what type of “great leap forward” would you
recommend? Recovery from addiction typically indicates that you
should wait a year after getting sober to begin dating––given the
baggage I now know I carry, does this apply? Experience with
psychiatrists indicates to me that they are either unprepared to
help, or the clinical tools they use to treat patients are
insufficient or unhelpful to me (i.e. recommending I go back on
antidepressants). I don’t mean to paint with broad strokes here, but
it’s difficult to create a knowledgeable support system when said
support questions your sanity should you disagree with them. While I
understand there is no one right way, I fail to see even one way, let
alone a right one, wherein solipsistic neuroses have some common
lexicon or categorical precedent to use as a reference.

Sincerely,

Gene Shalit

____________________________________

Gene Shalit, ole Gene, Geney Boy, Geney in a Bottle,

You’ve got a fantastic question here. What’s more, you’ve got a whole new
sexual future ahead of you right now. This can be seen as exciting, daunting,
or both. I’d put my money on both. The doors are completely open for you
now, so what do you do with that?

What I find funny is this seems as a sort of “coming out of the closet”
for you, not as in telling people you are sexual again, but this changes
you’re view of the world and of yourself and your sexuality. Now you
have to go about making sense of all these things with a different
perspective. Being that I already know you I have the benefit of knowing
your academic history, otherwise I would suggest reading some good books
on queer
theory. Not because of the “queer” aspect, but because of the theory’s
perspective on society and sexuality.

I wouldn’t necessarily go for the 12 step model, seems a little too drastic.
While you may have baggage from all these meds, as well as testing out your
new and improved and non-psychopharm-doped up self, I think you may be
ready to take on some new relationships and sexual experiences without
worrying about dragging someone into your luggage. However, I do recommend
baby steps. Don’t be the teenager who just discovers their sexuality and
goes and fucks willy nilly. Not that there’s anything wrong with debaucherous
fun, I just believe you need to be in a comfortable self-actualized state of
being to fully appreciate it and be able to take on any unforeseen troubles.

So a slow and steady beginnings of a relationship wouldn’t hurt and would
be a little helpful at this point in time. Attempt to find somewhere you
can be in a safe place, mentally and physically, for you to explore your
new found personalityand sexual-self.

And to totally contradict myself here, allow yourself to take small and
calculated risks. Always playing safe within the boundaries will never
teach you anything or help you grow. Play within those boundaries, then
when the time is right, press against those lines just a little. However,
while doing this take note of how you’re doing, mentally, emotionally and
physically.

So yeah, take caution and avoid heavy relationships, but try out smaller
more light-hearted relationships (slow and steady wins the race) and
be willing to test your boundaries and take contextualized risks to
see how they affect your sense of saftey and desire.

A side note: any psychiatrist who says there are no withdrawal symptoms
to SSRI’s is an utter twat.

Enjoy discovering your new self and happy desire hunting!!

The mention of the fork shaped patches seemed to go over well in my most recent post on cocksucking. Therefore I’m wondering what the readers think about patches for other sexual proclivities.

Sure there is the hanky code, but that is primarily in the gay male and S/m community…and just handkerchiefs.

So how about an arts n’ crafts style of indicators. Preferably patches in the shape of an object that has NOTHING to do with the act it conveys. And I’m not talking about the exact opposite, no peace symbol patches for being into heavy flagellating.

Examples: Turkey patch for those who are into toe-sucking. Shoe Lace for cunnilingus. Orange for gentle back caresses.

And so on and so forth.

So, any ideas? Feel free to create these images and post them on the comments section of the blog!

Where can I meet another girl with a cocksucking fetish? I had an ex that dragged me into the bathroom 2 or 3 times a day (in addition to other activities), even while company was over. I loved going down on her enthusiasticly, so it was quid pro quo (although she would never ask), but it was most effective stress reduction arrangements I’ve ever experienced, and rather hard to replicate. All she would need was a tickle to get off when my cock was in her mouth. I prefer to take the time for more satisfying mutual engagements, but one can be so very busy. Advice?

Lazy Bastard

_______________________________________

Look on a dating personals site, you lazy bastard!

So how do you catch a caring cocksucker to caress your cock again? Let me ask you this, did you ever notice that she constantly wore a patch sewn into her jeans in the shape of a fork? Yes, you say? “How did you know that?!” you ask?
Well all cocksucker fetishistic cute girls (CFCG) wear that patch to signify to other girls in their secret society who they are. It’s kind of a territorial thing. One CFCG see’s another in a bar and knows that the bar is her territory for the
sucking of the cock. So there you go, travel around to different bars and look carefully for girls who wear a small fork patch on their right leg. Or if you like to be the one who teaches someone the secret art of fellating, then find yourself
a girl sans fork patch.

If by chance, you are unfortunate enough to live in an area without a CFCG chapter, don’t despair. An obvious tactic is to just go for the one night stands. Oral sex has become such a common act within making the sex that you are bound to get a good (or decent, but maybe horrible) blowjob out of it. However, it sounds like you want some sort of emotional connectivity within your sexual acts, as well as something on a regular basis. Therefore the random one night stands or even friends with benefits might not work out too well.

Which brings us to the main question. How do you find a nice lil cocksucker for you to be in some type of relationship with? Unfortunately there are no visual cues or vocal or facial ticks that you can base your decision on in order to find the appropriate cocksucking girl for you. Therefore you just have to press your luck. Lucky for you that what you desire isn’t so deviant (like diaper play, etc) that the odds will be against you. However, you want the fellating to occur on quite a regular basis. This my friend, is not something you can expect every girl you come across to be willing to do, with or without your willingless to lap up their clit with your tongue.

The mere fact that you are just as willing to reciprocate sexually (as you say you do), increases your chances to be with someone who will enjoy sucking on your cockula, but the frequency will depend on the girl. When you find yourself with a girl that you want to be a cocksucking fetishist, perhaps bring up the fact that you really enjoy a rigorous blowjob on a regular basis (I know it sounds weird coming from a guy, but trust me) and that you want to reciprocate and make this all sexy and fun. The last thing you want to do is make it seem like an obligatory chore, “the only way to make me happy and stress-free is by sucking me off a few times a day.”

Happy cocksucker hunting!!

I want to clarify my position on the latest blog post on “Turned On By What You Hate.” I want
to make it clear that my response was not an indicator that I am without theory as to the
reasons behind what is going on with “shaq attack.” I know that many of you are full of theories
and that’s great, I think it’s fantastic when people are able to utilize critical thinking in order
apply different theories to life and sexuality. This is an incredibly important skill to have,
especially when you are faced with your own life or sexual issues and need to remedy them.

However, I want to caution others to not throw their theories upon others for which they have
very little knowledge to work off of. As someone who studied psychology for quite some time,
did a little training in counseling, and plans on becoming a counselor soon, I learned quickly
that jumping to a theoretical diagnosis based off of a minute amount of information doesn’t
just waste your time, it can also be harmful to the other person. There is most likely a lot
more aspects of this woman’s life that we are unaware of. Therefore, how can we be certain that
our theory or diagnosis is correct and won’t send her in the wrong direction when seeking help?

As I mentioned in my response to “Shaq Attack”, I cannot be a Dr. Phil and assume that I
can give her a quick and easy solution to her complex problem and send her on her way. I wish
these things were that easy (in a way). Therefore, the best I could reasonably do was offer to
her support, listen to whats going on and suggest different venues for further support.

This is the main limitation of my advice blog, there are a good number of questions that I can
be very helpful on. However, there are some that I am either not qualified to answer or this
is not the right arena to offer sage advice. I will be the first to stand up and admit this
when this happens. At least I’m not giving shitty, thoughtless advice. This is not saying that
I don’t want anyone who thinks they’re having major problems to email me with their questions.
I love getting questions and helping others. Just know, if I don’t feel qualified or don’t
think my blog is the right medium, I will be totally honest about that. If you email me
saying, “I have a bump on my cock, do I have an STD?” I won’t be able to answer because I
can’t see your cock (please don’t send me a picture of your puss-oozing cock), go to a doctor.
But if anything, I will be supportive and do my best to send you in the right direction.

That is all.

OK- HERE IS MY PROBLEM. I AM INTERESTED IN MEN AND THEY MAKE ME HORNEY AND WET. BUT
WHEN IT COMES TIME TO THEM EATING ME OUT, FINGERING ME, OR HAVING SEX, I CAN’T CUM.
I AM ALWAYS TURNED ON B4, BUT THE ACTUAL ACT KILLS MY SEX DRIVE. I USUALLY HAVE TO
FANTASIZE ABOUT A COUPLE PORNS THAT I LIKE 2 WATCH, THE FEW THAT COME TO MIND ARE
PRETTY HARDCORE ONES WHERE THE WOMAN IS USUALLY BEING DOMINATED BY A MAN (OR MEN). I
DON’T WANT TO BE DOMINATED (MAYBE I DO), BUT I THINK I WANT TO BE DOING THE
DOMINATING. I ENOJOY WATCHING A WOMAN GETTING FUCKED AND NOT NECCICARILY ENJOYING
IT.

1)WHY CAN’T I CUM REGULARILY WITHOUT HAVING TO FANTASIZE EVEN WHEN I’M TURNED ON

2)WHY DO I HAVE A MALE-SHOVENISTIC POINT OF VIEW TOWARDS SEX EVEN THOUGH I AM A
FEMALE
AND 3)WHY DO I LIKE WATCHING THE DEGREDATION OF WOMEN?

I AM SUCH A STRONG
BELIEVER IN FEMINISIM THAT HAVING THIS MENTALITY IS REALLY STARTING TO TAKE A TOLL
ON HOW I FEEL ABOUT SEX. I NEED UR ADVISE. SORRY 4 WRITING IN ALL CAPS AND USING
STUPID COMPUTER TYPING, BUT I NEED TO WRITE HOW I WOULDN’T USUALLY WRITE SO MY
IDENTITY ISN’T GIVEN AWAY.

SHAQ ATTACK.

_____________________________________________________

So I’ve had your question for a good two weeks now. Let me start off by apologizing
for not getting to your question sooner. Life has been quite hectic lately.
Your question seemed so important to you that I
wanted to find time where I was in the right frame of mind to focus enough
attention in order to come up with helpful, or at least decent advise.
To be totally honest, I’ve also tried really hard to think of some quick
and easy solution to your question.

What’s going on here is fascinating to me. In one paragraph you showed just how
complex sexuality is and how important it is upon who we are and how we feel
about ourselves. And just how what you’re going through is incredibly complex, so is
the way to resolve the issue at hand. I would love to be Dr. Phil here and
help you out in an hour with some “hard talk” and grabbing your thigh and
shaking it. Obviously, I’m not saying what you’re going through renders
you helpless.

First off, you are definitely not alone. There are numerous
accounts of people taking what they despise
and somehow creating that into a sexual turn-on. Hell, I know
countless women who indentify as feminists who get off on the idea
of being objectified and degraded under the context of sex. However,
it seems like you need this degradation, either through fantasy
or reality, in order to get off. This is understandably taking a toll
on your views towards yourself, your identity as a feminist, and your
views towards sexuality.

I wish I had something straightforward and simple for you. But because
what you’re going through is so complex, I think this is something
that you will need to work on for a while. I normally wouldn’t suggest
anyone attempt to change what turns them on, however this seems to have
really taken control of you and seems to be doing you more harm then good.

I don’t know what your feelings are on therapy, but if you are comfortable
I would suggest perhaps checking out a feminist focused therapist just to
try out for one session to see how it feels. Most therapists will do a
sliding scale and charge as low as $20. Therapy has a strong negative
connotation to some, I’m not saying you’re weak or helpless and therefore
need a therapist. I just think that if you want to change this, it will
take some work, and having help is always useful. There could also be a
lot more going on here that I don’t know about.

If you were completely fine with what turns you on, and if you had
other things that turned you on, I would tell you everything was dandy
and send you on your way for another fucking. However, to only have
one thing that you can only get off on can be quite taxing and, like I
said, this is obviously something that you’re not happy with.

Here’s the important part: What it comes down to is you have two choices;
(1) change what you are turned on by or (2) change the way you view
what you’re turned on by. Both are incredibly difficult, but both
will allow you comfort in your sexual desire.

I am really sorry, I wish I was skilled enough to assist you. You are more
than welcome to continue asking me questions and I will try to help
to the best of my ability. Feel free to elaborate more on whats going
on and I will attempt to give advice as well.

Here is a link to San Francisco Sex Information’s list of recommended
sex-positive therapists in the bay area. If this is not helpful, let me
know and I will look for more venues.
www.sfsi.org

Dear Homeboy/Dr. Khalili,

Understanding that “performance anxiety” is largely psychological
(assuming one’s in good health otherwise), do you have any tips on how
to prepare to deal with it? Other than “relax” and “don’t think too
much”. I think this question is especially pertinent when dealing with
an impatient partner who wants a minimum of foreplay and a relatively
quick consummation of the act.

I ask mostly from a man’s perspective, but feel free to expand.

Cheers,
Dr. Feelquestionable

_____________________________________________________________________

Dr. Feelquestionable,

Ah the good ole quoted “performance anxiety,” the useful euphemism for
the dick that can’t get erect even though you’re physiologically in tact.
This can be quite the blow to the ego of any guy and even to the ego
of the person on the other end. The one with this anxiety can’t figure out
what’s going on
and may be ashamed he can’t get it up and the partner may wonder if they’re
the reason why the guy can’t get it up, “am I not hot enough?” “am I not
doing things right?” are common questions the other partner may ask
themselves.

Sometimes the other partner is the reason, for better or worse. The guy may
not be that attracted to them. But usually the cause of performance anxiety
is the anxiety that they will not perform to the expectations of the partner.
Or the partner, like in your case, is so fucking demanding, that while it
may be hot in some instances, can be a little too pressuring at times.

So you’ve got this intelligent and hot college girl in your hands and
she’s whispering all the dirty shit she wants you to do with or to her,
she constantly tells you how attracted to you she is and how much she
want to make sex with you. Your mind is willing, but your cock is not
following suit. This generally means you are nervous, I mean really
fucking nervous, so nervous your cock is sliding into your abdomen
not wanting to come out and play in fear that it’s moves are going to
be rejected. So this brings up one of the possible causes, fear of
rejection. Cliche, I know, but fuck can it be powerful. One way around this
is to neurotically go through all the possible ways in which she could
reject you. One possible result of this may be the realization that her
rejection of you is (a) not likely and (2) not a death sentence if it
does happen. However, going through this death list may make you even more
anxious.

Perhaps you are incredibly attracted to her, but the fact that she’s so
damn demanding is turning you off, for whatever reason. Are you feeling
actual anxiety or are you just not turned on? Because sometimes those two
are confused for one another.

Another issue may be the way you are looking at the whole situation. “Performance Anxiety” implies a lot of attention upon your work, I know you’re a performer and all, but perhaps you should try to look at your making sex with her as an ensemble act. Therefore you can break down that shitty 4th wall and work together to make sex in a neo-performance style.

All in all there are two issues here, her real or perceived demanding
nature and you’re anxious reaction to this. What might be the best
way around this is to calm things down a bit. Slyly slow things down
between you two some night soon and see how that goes for you. This will
most likely calm your nerves. However, while you’re taking things slow
make sure the sexual tension is still present, and over time the tension
will increase more and more between you two to the point where you can’t
see straight and fucking is the next logical step. That or drink a lot of
alcohol and let her take advantage of you.

This news is about a week old, but for some reason it seems to me that this has
fallen under the radar.

Last friday,
February 2nd, Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R) personally signed an executive
order to make it a state mandate that girls entering the sixth grade receive the
HPV vaccine.
Calling it a mandate is a misnomer, this is definitely not mandatory. Parents can
opt out of their daughter receiving this vaccine if they philosophically or religiously
object. The move to be the first state that includes the HPV vaccine in school sponsored
immunizations is obviously an incredibly political and powerful move.

The mere fact that this is Texas we’re talking about, a highly conservative state
run by a highly conservative Governor, completely…for lack of better term…blew
my fucking gourd. And without shock, it blew the collective gourd of the States as
well as other countries. But this raises a lot, too many, questions on ethics, rights,
sexual freedom, etc.

From a law standpoint, was this right for Gov. Rick Perry to go past legislation (the
conventional route to passing a law) and personally authorize this state mandate?
Isn’t the idea that laws are mandates agreed upon by a community?

From an ethical standpoint, how is it okay for one person to force their beliefs
upon an entire state? Especially in regards to a highly charged subject such as
sexuality. The fact that he went about this in a completely unconventional route, he
is definitely stating that he knows better than everyone else. If he felt otherwise, he
would have gone about this the conventional way assured that he would get support
from his colleagues, as well as from the voters in Texas. Is he saying he knows better
than the citizens and politicians of Texas?

Does this vaccine open the doors to sexual freedom? Does it give a blank check to
young girls and women to engage in promiscuous acts of sex without cause for alarm?
(The answer is two-fold. Yes, and it’s about fucking time. And no, because there’s
a hell of a lot more to sex than fear of disease).

I’m going to post on this subject in two posts. This one, wherein I state the facts
and give a forum for whomever to answer the questions. The next one where I express my
own beliefs (probably tomorrow).

One more fact I found incredibly interesting, Perry’s former chief of staff (I’m pretty
certain that was the job, not entirely sure) is now a lobbyist for Merck (the pharmo
company that created the HPV vaccine) in the state capital Austin, TX.

At the SFO airport. About to board onto a plane heading to Austin, Tx. Going back there for the first time since I moved back to the bay area. Should be odd. The weird thing is, the moment I arrive I hop in a car to drive 5 hours northwest to a vietnam vet reunion. I’m flying to TX to continue working on a documentary on vietnam vets with PTSD that I helped out on last year. I’m damned excited. The reunion last year was intensely emotional. Within 10 hours I felt every damn emotion known to man.

I’ll keep you updated.

P.S. SOMA (muscle relaxants) are the way to fly for anxious folk.