Archive for June, 2007

my boyfriend cums really REALLY fast. Like 4 pumps fast. He’s only had a few sexual partners, and he’s 22. But he’s seemingly healthy and isn’t on any drugs. Got any suggestions on how to help him last longer?

- Gonza
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So Johnny Four Pumps isn’t the long-winded runner one would hope for. To his credit, at least he’s not a jackhammer-type fucker, if only because he doesn’t have enough pumps in him to get that far. Either way, it can be a bloody downer for both parties (or just the non-cumming party). The National Health and Social Life Survey reported that up to 30% of men before the age of 40 have recurring problems with being a 4 pump man. As the sciencey lab coat wearers say, premature ejaculation can result from numerous factors, all largely psychological. One factor could be a result of anxiety, while some can’t get it up or can’t cum due to anxiety, others are so overwhelmed by stimuli that they just pop like it’s new years eve. Another factor is that he hasn’t orgasmed in some time, he’s been Mr. Wanty Wanty and then when he havey he happy happy very soon. Perhaps you’re just that hot that he can’t control himself. The most common reason (and I’m definitely in no way denying your level of hotness Ms. Gonza) is due to anxiety.

It’s important to find out (in a sly manner) if he has had issues with premie cumming since he was sexually active. Does he cum quickly when he’s masturbating? If this is due to anxiety, it would be beneficial to find out what the anxiety is, chances are he does not know what the anxiety is himself. So while it may be difficult to talk about this with him, it may also help you two get closer from opening up to one another. Furthermore, if you attempt to blame him or pressure him, it won’t help the situation at all. Such pressure and blame isn’t uncommon during heated up moments that end in frustration.

Now for the dirty talk: for less mentally touchy-feely approaches and more physical touchy-feely approaches, I would suggest attempting to slow things down a bit. The jump to cumclusions (ouch, that even hurt me) guy may feel all sorts of amazing things going on if sex is approaching real fast and it all just comes to an end. If foreplay doesn’t occur at all
or in very limited amounts, then lengthen it out a bit more. Slow body and genital stimulation may get both of you worked up enough, without there being a problem of a quick-fuse in the end. Perhaps try different positions, if you rid him, grinding on top of him, it may reduce the amount of stimulation he gets, but increase (oh my will it increase) your stimulation. Another thing to consider is, can he get an erection within a reasonable amount of time after he cums? Because if so, that might offer itself to marathon sex. Hell, if anything demand that you cum first!

Last note: if/when you two have discussions about this topic, try not to give the whole conversation the feel that it’s covered in a itchy wool clinical blanket. You probably know how you two communicate the best, so use that tone when talking about your sex lives.

(c) www.simulaids.com

A reader wants me to tell her more about male anal stimulation. As in, where the male g-spot is and how to get the “cornhole” more relaxed for receiving anal stimulation.

First off the male g-spot is the prostate gland, otherwise known as the p-spot. The prostate surrounds the urethra at the base of the bladder and creates 10-30% of the seminal fluids comprised in semen. You can stimulate the p-spot in two ways:

(1) Insert a finger (or 4 + a thumb) and curve your finger(s) towards the penis. It’s about 1.5 inches inward and lightly
massage the prostate gland, making especially sure not to rub too vigorously.
(2) By massaging the perineum, the area between the balls and the ass. Otherwise known as “t’ain’t,” from the ever so
academic saying “it’ain’t your balls and it’ain’t your ass!” Through lightly massaging this area the p-spot can be easily
stimulated when the male doesn’t feel like insertive play.

Check out this diagram below to help with your anatomical knowledge:

(c) www.prostate.org.nz

Many guys report to be able to cum quite easily from prostate massage and no genital stimulation. Others say that prostate massage and having their naughty bits played with at the same time increased the intensity of the orgasm and semen volume. (side note: Brian Posehn has a great bit on men who want to increase their semen volume). Another way to go about this is using the one and only Aneros prostate “massage massager.” I’m gathering it massages, but call me crazy. This tool (*snicker*) stimulates the prostate internally and externally. Go go gadget!

So how do you make the male anus more receptive? Hell, lets keep this gender neutral, every anus is made equally. The quick and easy (when consensual) way is alcohol or muscle relaxers or pain killers. I don’t recommend this for the same reason I would never recommend anal-eze (Article by Violet Blue on unsafe sex toys, under “Novelty Products Not Safe at Any Speed” is a good coverage on why Anal-Eze is horrible). Anal-Eze, as well as alcohol, pain killers and muscle relaxers numb the nerves. Pain is a good thing when it comes to trying out anal play, it tells you when enough is enough. If you don’t know when enough is enough then you might go farther than enough and that might be enough to send you to the hospital, friend. Another way is just relaxing. A good orgasm or five before playing with the anular region will assure the muscles are relaxed, so would a nice bath or whatever relaxes the person. Getting over the idea that the ass is a no-no region or an “out hole” is another great way to being more, ahem, receptive. Having those negative views towards the ass would certainly stop anyone from enjoying the fun.

Always remember, use love, lube and anything caring that starts with an L. “L’patience”…that’s it, it’s french for patience.

Good books:
Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women
by Tristan Taormino. While it is written towards women, it is incredibly helpful, well written and useful!

Anal Pleasure & Health By Jack Morin.

Ultime Guide to Anal Sex for Men by Bill Brent.

Happy Hunting!

Mishap Science Fair was a success. The 12 galaxies is a fantastic, 2-story venue. I got there around 6pm, took my sweet time scoping
out the perfect spot for my orgasm face exhibit and then set up my poster boards. I wanted to give my exhibit that middle-school
science fair feel so I used the poster boards, glitter glue, and my usual poor hand-writing. When I put up the poster boards, it
was too hot for the glitter glue to solidify so it just poured down onto the pictures. Gave my exhibit a funky, but cool feel. Whilst
people took breaks from watching/dancing to the awesome live music, they walked amongst the exhibits. Some of the memorable
exhibits were the robot autopsy, the alien fetuses in jars, pinned up insects and so on. I ended up drinking and dancing and mingling
a good amount of the night, rather than standing near my exhibit and pimping my blog and chatting it up with looky-loos, my bad.
Whenever I did make it up I saw people checking out the photographs and trying to determine which ones were fake orgasms and which
were real. Mostly people got them all right, which was fantastic. However, some came up to me and jokingly said, “this makes me
question my history with sex and whether or not my partners were faking it all along.” I’d like to see people try to fake NOT
having an orgasm while actually having an orgasm, that would make for good photos.

I’ll put up photos later.

My boyfriend was shot in the spine and now he is totally limp… like all over his body. It has been a drag on our sex life, but I can’t help wondering if maybe it’s just me and the severed spinal chord thing is just an excuse. Because he is also in constant waking pain, he is taking a lot of morphine. I was thinking maybe it’s the morphine that’s keeping him limp. If I don’t figure out a way to fix our sex life soon, I think i’ll go crazy – so crazy I could shoot him in the spine.
-Double Barrel Blonde

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I received this question shortly after my last post “limp-tastic!”. My gut reaction to this is that this is a joke, someone playing funny. My other reaction was that this person was pissed. Either way, I decided to address this issue, whether or not this specific person is facing this specific issue. I recruited the help of my classmate/wicked pissah friend in the Sexuality Studies Program at San Francisco State University. When I first met Bethany she self-identified as an “uppity queer gimp,” I knew we would get along just fine. She just finished Law School and is seeking to specialize her focus on sexuality as well as disability issues. She’s way more competent in this field than I am, so I am going to ride on her coat tails while she gives fabulous advice.

When I showed this email to Bethany her first reaction was, “I am not sure if it is a joke, she may just be a bitch!” Agreed. Initially, Bethany suggested that such a couple should “focus on mitigating the effects of his disability in order to get reacquainted with sexing each other up.” In other words, grope and rub yourselves against
each other in as many different ways possible to find out new and adventurous ways to get each other worked up. Secondly, the other best course of action is taking a trip to the doctor. Bethany added, “they tend to be able to offer sexual advice to men with SCI, as opposed to women, so he is lucky he has a cock.” This is a great point, since the medical field is largely cock-centered, treatments and knowledge-bases are generally more cock-oriented. Another reason to visit to the doc, says Bethany, is to see if there are chemical means to gain erections, “often something as simple as Viagra works to foster a woodie but in other cases a penis prosthetic might work out, but the latter is rather invasive so try the chemicals first.” Other than that, taking a trip to your local sex shop (or online sex shop like Good Vibrations or VIP Online) and purchasing cock rings may be the trick in order to keep blood in the penis to maintain an erection. After the cock ring is put on, “she might try a method of ‘stuffing the penis’ this method entails sliding the semi-erect or soft phallus into her vagina. She can massage the penis with her PC muscles. This can get her off and perhaps him.”

Another important note is the emotional aspect involved in such cases. I can’t state it better than Bethany, so I won’t:

“…he may just be having issues dealing with his lack of sensate capacity in his phallus. We are all trained in this culture to be orgasm focused and when a man loses his ability to shoot it off, it can be devastating, so she may try talking to him about his feelings with regard to sexuality and express to him that their sex life is not over just because he has lost sensation. Further, they should be encouraged to engage in sexual behavior that is not solely genitalia focused so that he may reclaim his sexual feelings in other parts of his body. He has to restructure his concept of sexuality or he will not be happy with his ability. Communication is, as always, key here. Check out these sources:
Info on Spinal Cord Injury and Sexual Health

They can post on this site to seek further help from trained specialists. This a great article about utilizing tantric methods to retrain the soul/mind/body to enjoy sexual pleasure and not just focus on the almighty cockster Article on tantric methods”

Overall, it’s definitely a plus to approach this from all sides; physical and emotional….and metaphysical? No. As Bethany put it, this couples’ sex life (if this was a joke question, there are still couples out there that face this that actually do exist) is not doomed.

To put it simply, Bethany kicks mad ass, and she’s definitely the gimp pimp that she touts herself as. If Bethany’s intellect has turned you on to no end (as it should), let me know, tell me why you think you’re good enough for her and how you’d treat her like the badass pimp she is, if after review I deem you acceptable, I will pass on the information to her and she may contact you for drinks.

You can learn more about Bethany through the SF State’s newspapers online multi-media article on her fabulous self. Click Here Then select “Click to View Multimedia!”