Archive for October, 2007

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A reader wants to know more about body language in terms of flirting her ass goodbye…I mean hello.

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Body language, or non-verbal behavior as scientists or esoteric univeristy students call it, is one of the main
ways of communicating with other people. Body language tells people what your mood is, how your day was,
and how you feel about those around you. How do you utilize body language in a way to let the person(s) you’re
interested in that you want to get busy with them without whispering “I want to feel you inside me”?

Some of the sexiest experiences I have had involved simply subtle body language with no overt sexually charged
speaking or touching. What was involved included coy eye contact, paced breathing, “accidental” slight touching,
and getting close without getting on.

Mastering eye contact is dependent on a person to person basis. One person’s coy and sultry eye contact is
another persons creepy and stalker-core staring. What I normally recommend is holding eye contact just a bit
longer than feels comfortable. You catch the persons eyes and right when you feel the urge to pull away and
pretend that you’re looking at that one spot on the wall just two inches above their head, keep looking at them
for perhaps a second or two more. How about below your eyes, what do you do with those lips? Barring licking your
lips and fluttering your tongue, there are a few options. One is obviously smiling, but how much of a smile? This
depends on what your going for. If you’re going for the flirtatious and sultry approach, a slight smirk
accompanied by the knowledgable smile is hot hot hot. If you’re going for the cute approach then a big, tooth glimmering
grin will let the other know that you’re playful, funny and like to take it in the ass (ok, maybe not exactly).
Then there’s the Gary Oldman bad boy or Dita Von Teese bad girl sneer. So your smile that accompanies that second of
extra eye contact depends of if your cute, flirtacious or fierce(!).

Proximity is another important factor in flirting with an interest. How close you are to the other person will
offer a world of information to them. When you’re done exchanging eye winks (or pretending like you have
something stuck in your eye) from across the room and go up and talk, how close should you get? This is where
I usually recommend the slow and steady wins the race option. I’m not recommending this because I’m a prude,
I’m just of the belief that prolonging sexin’ can be incredibly hot. So attempting to balance on the fine
line of flirting and nunnery can be hard to master. By reading the other persons body cues you can gauge how
much closer you can get. When you lean in just a tad bit do they jump back as if they had seen a blood-covered
spider? If yes then moving closer is probably not your best move. Do they lean back into you? Then keep up the
good work! Just remember that continuing the playful flirting dance without seeming like a tease can raise
the hot factor up several points.

“Accidental” touching falls in line with proximity. The occasional slight touch can cause sparks or send shivers
(bad shivers). This makes it a good gauge on how things are going between you and the interest. Obviously I’m
not advising the “oops I tripped and now my hand is on your junk” approach. This primarily includes the slight
grazing of your hand against the other persons arm, back, thigh (or inner thigh). Speaking of inner thighs,
are you and the person and the hand on the lap phase but not much? Or are you in a sexual relationship
and want to send the other a message without verbally saying it. The hand on the knee, to thigh, to the inner
thigh is a great approach (keep in mind this is an approach when you KNOW the other person is comfortable
with you!).

The whole attraction with flirting is that when you cannot or are not comfortable talking openly about your
sexual/romantic interest in another person, you can use subtle cues to get your message across. By keeping
up with a proper amount of eye contact and keeping yourself close and interested to the other person, you’re
likely to send out the message. At which point you will pretty much be able to grasp whether or not the
other person(s) shares the interest.

Happy hunting and gathering!