Parisian Health Clinic Review

Posted by David Khalili Fri, 07 Nov 2008 04:47:00 GMT



Image from: www.plateforme-elsa.org

In another addition to my (hopefully) ongoing series of Clinic Reviews, we are graced by a review by my senior Parisian Clinic Expert, "Frenchy McFrenchfry." Obviously her name has been changed to protect her identity, but I am incredibly excited to post her review of what seems to be a fantastic and revolutionary, if not at times unethical, sexual health clinic in Paris. Please to be enjoy.

I am a fairly straight female, and I went to a clinic in Paris, France. It's a clinic run by the Mouvement Français de Planning Familial (French Movement for Family Planning), or MFPF. I waited maybe an hour to get in and see the doctor, but not because they were very busy. A woman came into the waiting room where I was discussing politics with a new waiting-room buddy and welcomed us into a kind of conference room next door. Once the room was sufficiently filled with nervous-looking French girls, two counselors came in and started asking us what we knew about contraception, and then they corrected our misconceptions and answered our questions. To my utter astonishment, I learned stuff. For instance, I had no idea that abortions, if correctly performed, are almost completely harmless to your body, even after your third or fourth. This is a well-kept secret in the US, apparently. In fact, all the workers at the MFPF were fascinated to hear how all this stuff works in the Barbarous States of America.

Then came something utterly shocking to me as an Amuhrikan: one of the counselors asked us to disclose private medical information! And many of the girls complied! Totally illegal back home, if I'm not mistaken, but kind of cool nonetheless because it creates an open environment. What was not as cool was the actual exam. The doctor was very nice, he would come into the conference every now and then to answer rather private questions in front of everyone else and to call in the next girl (they weren't exactly strict about appointments, they were like "who was here first?" and I was like "me," and other girls were like "I have class, can I go first?" and I was like "uh, sure..."). But once I got in to see him, he seemed to be pretending not to understand my (practically fluent) French, which made giving him the necessary information very difficult. He was just going to give me my birth control prescription (which I am admittedly dubious about because he seemed unsure about which French brand to give me) but I had something I wanted him to check out, so he made me undress in a practically open corner of the room, which I found awkward, and then proceeded to poke and prod without letting me know what he was doing or why. Then he handed me my pap smear in an envelope and told me to go mail it with a check for 17 euro.

The whole business cost me 22 euro, plus the 17 euro check for the lab, plus the 88 centimes to mail my own pap smear, plus 22.40 for three months' worth of birth control pills. Hopefully my school insurance will reimburse me. But not shabby, really, even if the experience was a bit of a culture shock. But here I have to say that the MFPF is pretty amazing, very feminist, very pro contraception, pro giving out correct information instead of scaring girls into being careful, and anti forced marriage (which is actually a huge problem here). Actually, a few weeks ago I unwittingly met one of MFPF's founders, and he was very nice.

I'd give this experience a 7 out of 10 for sheer novelty. MFPF is fantastic about contraception, but you should really go to a private practice if you want anything else done (or are American).

REMINDER: If you would like to write a review of your local sexual health clinic from your perspective, please email me for more information.

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How Are Your STDs?

Posted by David Khalili Fri, 31 Oct 2008 06:47:00 GMT



As you may have read, two weeks ago I visited the fine San Francisco City Clinic and chronicled my experience (read here). My main point with that post was to work against the stigma of going and getting tested. Also to point out that you shouldn't wait until you see that bump or that goo coming out of your junk to get tested, but to do your best at going for regular testing. Particularly if you are not in a monogamous relationship but that is another post all together.

I might as well post my results in interest of self disclosure...I'm clean bitches! I had no worry, but just like for many other people, getting tested can cause you to have moments of self-doubt.

However, if you find yourself with not so happy results from your recent STD testing and are concerned about openly telling your past partners, you may consider using an e-card service like inSPOT. inSPOT is a website that allows you to send anonymous e-cards to your past sexual partners to let them know that you have an STD and that they might want to get tested as well. While I prefer honesty, this is better than nothing. Thankfully this site also offers a list of places that you can get tested based on where you live.

The image above is my favorite, if not only due to its absurd abrasiveness.

Note: I've decided to visit other clinics in San Francisco to review the experience and will post them at a later date. If you are female, FTM, MTF and/or live outside of San Francisco and would like to write a review of your experience at your local clinic please contact me, I'd like to post your experience for others to read. You can contact me at david@omniphilia.com with "Clinic Review" in the subject line.

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Bisexuality Not Transitionality

Posted by David Khalili Tue, 29 Jan 2008 09:45:00 GMT


(c) Bisexuality Resource Center

Recently Lisa Diamond, a renowned sexuality researcher, published a study through the American Psychological Association dispelling the myth of bisexuality being a transitional phase for women. Her 10 year study found that bisexual women held a steady attraction towards both genders, as well as remained longer in committed relationships. Furthermore, these wonderful fence sitters appeared to interpret lesbianism as being more flexible in behavior than they did with heterosexuality. While some women in the study changed their sexual identity at times, they generally went back to identifying as bisexual or "unlabeled."

This is a really exciting study that shows how flexible sexuality and identity is. How it is dynamic and always-evolving, rather than a stagnant label that we apply to our forehead in adolescence with super duper crazy glue for the rest of our lives. While some would have an argument against touting monogamous relationships as something to excel towards, I still like the finding that bisexually identified women are more likely to be in a monogamous relationship for the mere fact that it disproves the myth that bisexual women are unstable, greedy, or just unable to maintain a committed relationship. It would definitely be interesting to see a similar study but regarding polyamorous relationships. My classmate Sunny is currently doing his thesis on poly triads, when he is finished I will surely bug him to let me publish a summary of the results on this here blog.

For all you sex geeks, here's a link to the pdf of this article: link.

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Assplay Etiquette

Posted by David Khalili Tue, 28 Aug 2007 06:50:00 GMT


(c) www.electronix.com

I practice emergency medicine in a hospital somewhere in the flyover states. One problem we see again and again is an object which, having been inserted in an anus, cannot be removed without assistance. In many cases this is dangerous to the patient. In some cases surgery is necessary. Some patients end up with permanent debilitating injuries which probably put a damper on their sex lives. I'm sure you can imagine what I mean.

Would you please publish a safety advisory? For the sake of your readers safety, warn them not to put anything up their backsides unless they have a pretty good idea of how they're going to get it back out without my assistance. It would save my colleagues and I a lot of grief and it would save your kinkier readers the odd ileostomy, which is an unpleasant affair. This last is a worst case scenario, but even without complications the means at our disposal are unpleasant for ourselves as well as the patients. Furthermore, by the time they end up in the ER these guys are pretty embarrassed already and I can't exactly tell the nurses not to laugh at them. We try to maintain professional decorum, but when a guy has more than a couple billiard balls up his ass, it's a scratch, and forfeits his game of bunghole billiards. Even if we get them out without difficulty, he's still lost the game to his opponent, who tends to show up about an hour later with some billiard balls in his ass.

It's a social problem and a medical problem and it could be easily addressed with, I don't know, a string and some lube and a bit of planning? Thank you for taking the time to consider this matter.

Kind regards,
Dr Andrew REDACTED, MD

___________________________________________________

Dr. REDACTED,

Thank you very much for bringing this need to my attention. I have been meaning to inform my readers of the importance of safe ass playing and your description of what happens in an ER is a great way to get a part of the message out.

Readers: you don't want to risk embarrassment or dramatic urgent surgery at the hands of such juvenile and incompetent physicians, so take up some common sense when exploring your butt hole. What's worse than the fear of having an object securely stuck up your anus than a group of giggling, fresh out of med school twats who can't wait to go to their local watering hole (where all the drinks are invariably served in pyrex) to share stories of the latest patient with a barbie head lodged beyond reach.

Now some tips:

(1) Flange it: Unlike what the doctor said, a string is not the best safety device unless there is a hole in the object to tie it around. However, a prim and proper butt player always uses objects with a flange, meaning there is a wide base at the end in order to ensure the entirety of said object does not get lost in said anus.
(2) Solid it: Never ever ever (say never) use an object that is breakable. Yes, I'm talking about that light bulb in your hand, put it down. I know you like taking risks, but really, risking tiny thin shards of glass lacerating your delicate mucous membrane covered anus is not a risk that would garner you bragging rights like that wicked skateboarding trick you pulled off when you were 13. Always use a solid object.
(3) Sanitize it: Always make sure whatever device or object you're using is safe and clean. That toothbrush that's been sitting next to the toilet seat for years and been collecting dust is not the most sterile thing you can use. Many people think that since the butt is not the most sterile part of your body then it's okay to use non-sterile objects, sorry son not true. Your ass does have bacterium, sure, but it's your OWN bacteria and it wants to stay that way. Any outside forces will be met with grave hostility. I highly recommend using non-porous objects, as in it is made of silicone or hard plastic. Hell, if anything put a condom of it, why don't ya?
(4) Lube Lube Lube: Use it, lube is good for you. Your ass does not create it's own fluids. If you're using condoms to cover your toy or latex gloves to cover your partners hand, don't use oil based lube. If you're using silicone-based toys then DON'T use silicone-based lube. Lube is love.


Click for info on this product

Now I know you people like to try to be creative, but this isn't necessarily an event that Benjamin Franklin crafts store is geared towards. So your best bet is take you and your soon to be filled ass to a well-stocked and well-informed sex shop (Sinsations, Good Vibrations) and buy a toy that follows all three of my above rules. I highly recommend looking for silicone based toys since they are incredibly sterile and easy to clean, Tantus and Vixen Creations are wonderful manufacturers of all silicone-based sex toys.

Happy Butt Browsing!

Other Helpful Articles:

Articles By Tristan Taormino
10 Rules of Anal Sex

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Spinal Cord Injury, Erections and You

Posted by David Khalili Tue, 05 Jun 2007 03:45:41 GMT

My boyfriend was shot in the spine and now he is totally limp... like all over his body. It has been a drag on our sex life, but I can't help wondering if maybe it's just me and the severed spinal chord thing is just an excuse. Because he is also in constant waking pain, he is taking a lot of morphine. I was thinking maybe it's the morphine that's keeping him limp. If I don't figure out a way to fix our sex life soon, I think i'll go crazy - so crazy I could shoot him in the spine. -Double Barrel Blonde

___________________________________________

I received this question shortly after my last post "limp-tastic!". My gut reaction to this is that this is a joke, someone playing funny. My other reaction was that this person was pissed. Either way, I decided to address this issue, whether or not this specific person is facing this specific issue. I recruited the help of my classmate/wicked pissah friend in the Sexuality Studies Program at San Francisco State University. When I first met Bethany she self-identified as an "uppity queer gimp," I knew we would get along just fine. She just finished Law School and is seeking to specialize her focus on sexuality as well as disability issues. She's way more competent in this field than I am, so I am going to ride on her coat tails while she gives fabulous advice.

When I showed this email to Bethany her first reaction was, "I am not sure if it is a joke, she may just be a bitch!" Agreed. Initially, Bethany suggested that such a couple should "focus on mitigating the effects of his disability in order to get reacquainted with sexing each other up." In other words, grope and rub yourselves against each other in as many different ways possible to find out new and adventurous ways to get each other worked up. Secondly, the other best course of action is taking a trip to the doctor. Bethany added, "they tend to be able to offer sexual advice to men with SCI, as opposed to women, so he is lucky he has a cock." This is a great point, since the medical field is largely cock-centered, treatments and knowledge-bases are generally more cock-oriented. Another reason to visit to the doc, says Bethany, is to see if there are chemical means to gain erections, "often something as simple as Viagra works to foster a woodie but in other cases a penis prosthetic might work out, but the latter is rather invasive so try the chemicals first." Other than that, taking a trip to your local sex shop (or online sex shop like Good Vibrations or VIP Online) and purchasing cock rings may be the trick in order to keep blood in the penis to maintain an erection. After the cock ring is put on, "she might try a method of 'stuffing the penis' this method entails sliding the semi-erect or soft phallus into her vagina. She can massage the penis with her PC muscles. This can get her off and perhaps him."

Another important note is the emotional aspect involved in such cases. I can't state it better than Bethany, so I won't:

"...he may just be having issues dealing with his lack of sensate capacity in his phallus. We are all trained in this culture to be orgasm focused and when a man loses his ability to shoot it off, it can be devastating, so she may try talking to him about his feelings with regard to sexuality and express to him that their sex life is not over just because he has lost sensation. Further, they should be encouraged to engage in sexual behavior that is not solely genitalia focused so that he may reclaim his sexual feelings in other parts of his body. He has to restructure his concept of sexuality or he will not be happy with his ability. Communication is, as always, key here. Check out these sources: Info on Spinal Cord Injury and Sexual Health
They can post on this site to seek further help from trained specialists. This a great article about utilizing tantric methods to retrain the soul/mind/body to enjoy sexual pleasure and not just focus on the almighty cockster Article on tantric methods"

Overall, it's definitely a plus to approach this from all sides; physical and emotional....and metaphysical? No. As Bethany put it, this couples' sex life (if this was a joke question, there are still couples out there that face this that actually do exist) is not doomed.

To put it simply, Bethany kicks mad ass, and she's definitely the gimp pimp that she touts herself as. If Bethany's intellect has turned you on to no end (as it should), let me know, tell me why you think you're good enough for her and how you'd treat her like the badass pimp she is, if after review I deem you acceptable, I will pass on the information to her and she may contact you for drinks.

You can learn more about Bethany through the SF State's newspapers online multi-media article on her fabulous self. Click Here Then select "Click to View Multimedia!"

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Oral HPV Ooga Booga!!

Posted by David Khalili Thu, 10 May 2007 04:32:41 GMT


(c) jizznasty.com

A recent medical article in the New England Journal of Medicine purports that out of 100 men and women who have throat or tonsil cancer, 72 percent of them have the cancerous HPV-16 strain. While the article explicitly states that this cancer is incredibly rare and that even if you have oral HPV it doesn't necessarily mean you automatically get oral cancer, all the headlines and bullitens states "THROAT CANCER CAUSED BY ORAL HPV."

While I understand the need to inform the public of possible health risks, these fucking scare tactics are TIRED! Are they utilizing these tactics to protect the public or to stop people from being sexual.
"Suck a cock, get cancer!"
"Lick a cunt, say goodbye to your throat!"

I'm sorry, but this is pretty fucking ridiculous. We're already shown the worse-case scenario pictures of STD's from the CDC when we're "taught" about sex in high school. Do we need to consistently pressure this negative view of sexuality upon the public? Obviously, I am aware of the risks involved with sex...duh bitches. But must this be our sole focus in order to keep all of us healthy, sane and safe sexy beings?

By the way, this form of cancer accounts for only 2% of cancer cases between 1997-2001 (source).

Meaning, .00011% of the US population will have this form of throat cancer (source)(feel free to tell me my math is fucked up).

So WATCH OUT!!!

More on HPV.

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National Make Out Day

Posted by David Khalili Sat, 05 May 2007 23:44:00 GMT

Today is National Make Out Day. Oh, and Cinco de Mayo. So...well shit, do I need to give you instructions people?

(1) Grab a willing partner (victim)
(2) Be a smooth motherfucker
(3) Slightly place your hand on the small of their back...I said slightly!
(4) Look at them with bedroom eyes. No, not like you're cross-eyed and about to pass out.
(5) If all systems are go lean in and lightly kiss up their neck. Just so your lips are barely gracing the skin.
(6) Continue until you get right under their ear lobe
(7) Lean back and slowly move in to kiss them.
(8) Fucking kiss them already.
(9) Continue.
(10) Continue.
(11) Ew, not so much tongue.
(12) Lightly place your lips over theirs, but not so they're touching. Just centimeters away from their delicious lips. Just so they can barely feel your lips and light breath. I said breathe lightly!
(13) Kiss the fuck out of them.
(14) Continue.
(15) Continue.
(16) If you're doing it right, everything will go forward on its own.

Utilize these pictures as examples.




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Doing it for Others

Posted by David Khalili Sat, 05 May 2007 22:59:00 GMT


(c) Center for Sex and Culture

The Center for Sex and Culture is hosting their 7th annual masturbate-a-thon. This year the event will take place Saturday May 26th at the Porn Palace, aka the Kink.com building in San Francisco. Some of their fantastic competitions include:
- The Longest Squirt Distance
- Longest Time Masturbating
- Most Orgasms
- Tag Team Fun

To top it off there will be some amazing guest performers like Nina Hartley and Tassy Pink.

I know some of you can't make it to San Francisco and/or the event. Well you can stop crying into your handy wipes because you can participate at home or even just donate!

The event is also sponsored by some of the best organizations in SF:
- Red Handed Porn (My friend works there as a cameraman)
- Good Vibrations
- Kink.com

Looking at the sponsors I just noticed that Kink.com is hiring. My poor ass is about to be jobless due to general corporate shenanigans (I almost got fired from my current job a week after I started after they found out I used to work at a sex shop). Perhaps yours truly will attempt to land a job at Kink.com.

But I digress. If you're in or around San Francisco then make it to this event! If not, then stroke your junk or play with your sovereign cuntry at home and help raise money for this amazing event! The Center for Sex & Culture is a truly glorious institution in the bay area, providing informative workshops, hands-on events, social gatherings and even a yummy library to borrow books from.

You partake in onanism anyhow, so now do it for a good cause!

Note:


(c) Beautiful Agony

Beautiful Agony is perhaps one of the hottest porn sites I've come across. The camera only focuses on the lovely facial expressions of various peoples as they take themselves to pleasure. There will be at least one person from Beautiful Agony partaking in this event on site.

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Sexual Desire Post-Anti-Depressants

Posted by David Khalili Sat, 24 Feb 2007 00:25:52 GMT

Hey David,

I was on SSRIs for the entirety of adolescence, starting before menarche or noticeable pubescence. Six months ago, I stopped taking these drugs for the first time in seven/eight years, fully expecting the solipsist's apocalypse. Neither happened. The following bears mentioning though: the change in both worldview and identity is pervasive and psychologically unintelligible, as there appears to be no clinical lexicon for withdrawal from prescribed, non-addictive psychoactive drugs.

SSRIs have extreme sexual side-effects, which has only become clear to me now. This is my first time experiencing unimpeded sexuality, and not just in the psychologically repressive sense. I cannot render intelligible the problems this has caused, aside from saying that it's difficult to accept a new part of my personality which existed previously in a strangulated form, and the knowledge that this previous form was artificial creates further complications.

Here is the actual question. As someone with more professional knowledge of psychiatry, what type of "great leap forward" would you recommend? Recovery from addiction typically indicates that you should wait a year after getting sober to begin dating––given the baggage I now know I carry, does this apply? Experience with psychiatrists indicates to me that they are either unprepared to help, or the clinical tools they use to treat patients are insufficient or unhelpful to me (i.e. recommending I go back on antidepressants). I don't mean to paint with broad strokes here, but it's difficult to create a knowledgeable support system when said support questions your sanity should you disagree with them. While I understand there is no one right way, I fail to see even one way, let alone a right one, wherein solipsistic neuroses have some common lexicon or categorical precedent to use as a reference.

Sincerely,

Gene Shalit

____________________________________

Gene Shalit, ole Gene, Geney Boy, Geney in a Bottle,

You've got a fantastic question here. What's more, you've got a whole new sexual future ahead of you right now. This can be seen as exciting, daunting, or both. I'd put my money on both. The doors are completely open for you now, so what do you do with that?

What I find funny is this seems as a sort of "coming out of the closet" for you, not as in telling people you are sexual again, but this changes you're view of the world and of yourself and your sexuality. Now you have to go about making sense of all these things with a different perspective. Being that I already know you I have the benefit of knowing your academic history, otherwise I would suggest reading some good books on queer theory. Not because of the "queer" aspect, but because of the theory's perspective on society and sexuality.

I wouldn't necessarily go for the 12 step model, seems a little too drastic. While you may have baggage from all these meds, as well as testing out your new and improved and non-psychopharm-doped up self, I think you may be ready to take on some new relationships and sexual experiences without worrying about dragging someone into your luggage. However, I do recommend baby steps. Don't be the teenager who just discovers their sexuality and goes and fucks willy nilly. Not that there's anything wrong with debaucherous fun, I just believe you need to be in a comfortable self-actualized state of being to fully appreciate it and be able to take on any unforeseen troubles.

So a slow and steady beginnings of a relationship wouldn't hurt and would be a little helpful at this point in time. Attempt to find somewhere you can be in a safe place, mentally and physically, for you to explore your new found personalityand sexual-self.

And to totally contradict myself here, allow yourself to take small and calculated risks. Always playing safe within the boundaries will never teach you anything or help you grow. Play within those boundaries, then when the time is right, press against those lines just a little. However, while doing this take note of how you're doing, mentally, emotionally and physically.

So yeah, take caution and avoid heavy relationships, but try out smaller more light-hearted relationships (slow and steady wins the race) and be willing to test your boundaries and take contextualized risks to see how they affect your sense of saftey and desire.

A side note: any psychiatrist who says there are no withdrawal symptoms to SSRI's is an utter twat.

Enjoy discovering your new self and happy desire hunting!!

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"Performing" Under Anxiety

Posted by David Khalili Sun, 11 Feb 2007 22:05:00 GMT

Dear Homeboy/Dr. Khalili,

Understanding that "performance anxiety" is largely psychological (assuming one's in good health otherwise), do you have any tips on how to prepare to deal with it? Other than "relax" and "don't think too much". I think this question is especially pertinent when dealing with an impatient partner who wants a minimum of foreplay and a relatively quick consummation of the act.

I ask mostly from a man's perspective, but feel free to expand.

Cheers,
Dr. Feelquestionable

_____________________________________________________________________

Dr. Feelquestionable,

Ah the good ole quoted "performance anxiety," the useful euphemism for the dick that can't get erect even though you're physiologically in tact. This can be quite the blow to the ego of any guy and even to the ego of the person on the other end. The one with this anxiety can't figure out what's going on and may be ashamed he can't get it up and the partner may wonder if they're the reason why the guy can't get it up, "am I not hot enough?" "am I not doing things right?" are common questions the other partner may ask themselves.

Sometimes the other partner is the reason, for better or worse. The guy may not be that attracted to them. But usually the cause of performance anxiety is the anxiety that they will not perform to the expectations of the partner. Or the partner, like in your case, is so fucking demanding, that while it may be hot in some instances, can be a little too pressuring at times.

So you've got this intelligent and hot college girl in your hands and she's whispering all the dirty shit she wants you to do with or to her, she constantly tells you how attracted to you she is and how much she want to make sex with you. Your mind is willing, but your cock is not following suit. This generally means you are nervous, I mean really fucking nervous, so nervous your cock is sliding into your abdomen not wanting to come out and play in fear that it's moves are going to be rejected. So this brings up one of the possible causes, fear of rejection. Cliche, I know, but fuck can it be powerful. One way around this is to neurotically go through all the possible ways in which she could reject you. One possible result of this may be the realization that her rejection of you is (a) not likely and (2) not a death sentence if it does happen. However, going through this death list may make you even more anxious.

Perhaps you are incredibly attracted to her, but the fact that she's so damn demanding is turning you off, for whatever reason. Are you feeling actual anxiety or are you just not turned on? Because sometimes those two are confused for one another.

Another issue may be the way you are looking at the whole situation. "Performance Anxiety" implies a lot of attention upon your work, I know you're a performer and all, but perhaps you should try to look at your making sex with her as an ensemble act. Therefore you can break down that shitty 4th wall and work together to make sex in a neo-performance style.

All in all there are two issues here, her real or perceived demanding nature and you're anxious reaction to this. What might be the best way around this is to calm things down a bit. Slyly slow things down between you two some night soon and see how that goes for you. This will most likely calm your nerves. However, while you're taking things slow make sure the sexual tension is still present, and over time the tension will increase more and more between you two to the point where you can't see straight and fucking is the next logical step. That or drink a lot of alcohol and let her take advantage of you.

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