Posted by David Khalili
Sat, 11 Oct 2008 05:19:14 GMT
Growing up, I was constantly surrounded by relatives. My Persian side of the family not only knew how to breed, but also knew how to marry, divorce, and marry again and breed. And of course in older generations some of my male relatives had multiple wives. My parents have estimated that I have at least 100 relatives in Iran that I have yet to meet. Past girlfriends have been surprised by how many times they would meet new relatives of mine, without realizing that I was meeting said relatives for the first time as well.
Growing up, amongst my multiple uncles I had one that was consistently my favorite. Uncle Homuyoon, just pronounce it phonetically, okay? Homuyoon always had the biggest grin on his face with eyes that would light up a room in a way only a writer who dabbles in cliche's could describe. His laugh was raspy, loud and contagious.
Growing up, my family would drive 7 hours to LA a few times a year to visit my Persian relatives but I couldn't wait for our stay Homuyoon's house. I would be eager to wake up and be presented with his strong hug, loud laugh, and a glass of his freshly made watermelon juice.
I haven't seen Homuyoon in ten years since he moved back to Iran, but I could always picture his smile, his laugh and remember the ways he'd tell stories around the dinner table. Earlier this year Homuyoon was diagnosed with advanced colon cancer. Despite the fact that he almost died he did not tell any of his relatives because he did not want us to worry. He just disappeared for a couple of months, save for a call here or there to say he was "fine."
Today I was able to see Homuyoon for the first time in ten years. Driving to my parents house I was giddy but also incredibly sad realizing again that I almost lost one of my favorite people in my life. I don't think he realizes how important he is to me because he looked a little too surprised when I finally saw him I barged in through the door and gave him an intense hug, almost lifting him above the ground.
For four hours I sat with him, my father and my other (not-so-favorite) uncle around the table as we drank tea, ate cheese, bread and grapes. Even though I can barely understand Farsi I just sat in awe at Homuyoon as he told lengthy stories about whatever it was he was saying. Occasionally, he would turn to me and treat me just like he did when I was a kid, but for some reason this was not condescending to me, it was affirming. At one point he stopped mid-story, put a huge grin on his wrinkled face, leaned forward and in his raspy voice said excitedly "HELLO!HELLO!HELLO!" and go back to his story. My fucking god, I loved it. Other times, he would turn to me and in rapid fire ask me questions:
"How is work?"
"good"
"GREAT!"
"Are you married?"
"nope."
"GOOD! stay that way for another 5 years at least!"
He would then continue telling stories alternating between Farsi and English, telling us about where he's living in Iran, how relaxed he is, not having a care in the world (even though this is obviously not the case). Most of my relatives have awkward reactions when they find out I want to be a sex therapist for a living, trying to convince me to stay with computers or become an engineer. When Homuyoon found out he said, "you can get paid for that?! AMAZING! DO IT!" and belted out a laugh that vibrated the room and smacked me hard on the shoulder.
The last time he interrupted his own story telling to interact with me he quickly turned, grabbed my shoulder and said, "don't work too hard!" I told him not to worry about it. Then immediately he said, "and don't save your money!" I looked at my father in confusion, looked back to my uncle and asked, "don't?" "DONT! DON'T save your money. If you do, you'll be able to retire but you wouldn't have lived! Spend your money, travel, buy fun things! DON'T save!"
After all this I eagerly carried his suitcases for him to the car, I figured it was the least I could do for this great man.
This is sappy, I know. This is sentimental, sure. I usually write about fucking and fisting and sex. But I also write about relationships. I really hope Homuyoon will still be around if I'm able to visit Iran next year.
Posted in Life | no comments
Posted by David Khalili
Sat, 26 Jan 2008 22:26:00 GMT
First off, yea yea, I know, it's been a long time since I've posted. But hey, I'm a working man and I'm busy studying the ways of Sexuality via SF State. I've been focusing on my thesis, hoping to finish it by May.
I have also been writing for
Deviant Nation, where recently I interviewed the spectacular
Crispin Glover as well as co-wrote an article on
Sex Drive with the lovely
Aradia, model extraordinaire of Deviant Nation and all-knowing in the field of biological and physiological aspects of sexuality.
So read up my lovelies.
____________________________________________
As I've posted before, the French are pretty adept at making striking, cute, poignant or intense AIDS awareness advertisements.
For a look at their animated ads
Click Here
I wanted to share with you their latest ad entitled "Le Poison." Unfortunately I cannot embed it in this blog. The ad starts with multiple seductive shots of gorgeous bodies writhing and undulating against each other, but as the camera pulls back it reveals something else that comes with sex.
Click here to watch.
Is this effective? What sort of emotions come up for you as you watch this? Is this sex-positive or sex-nagative? Is it just realistic (sans hourglass)? Is it a clever reference to American soap opera
Days of Our Lives?
______________________________________________
I'd like to thank the great Slam Johnson for fixing the woes of the server that were afflicting this blog.
Posted in Life, Education, Sexual Health, Cross-Cultural, Doing It, Sex, Desire, Pleasure, Art Rat Tar, HIV, Safe Sex, romance and relationships, STD, STI, AIDS | 2 comments | no trackbacks
Posted by David Khalili
Mon, 11 Jun 2007 07:49:49 GMT
Mishap Science Fair was a success. The 12 galaxies is a fantastic, 2-story venue. I got there around 6pm, took my sweet time scoping
out the perfect spot for my orgasm face exhibit and then set up my poster boards. I wanted to give my exhibit that middle-school
science fair feel so I used the poster boards, glitter glue, and my usual poor hand-writing. When I put up the poster boards, it
was too hot for the glitter glue to solidify so it just poured down onto the pictures. Gave my exhibit a funky, but cool feel. Whilst
people took breaks from watching/dancing to the awesome live music, they walked amongst the exhibits. Some of the memorable
exhibits were the robot autopsy, the alien fetuses in jars, pinned up insects and so on. I ended up drinking and dancing and mingling
a good amount of the night, rather than standing near my exhibit and pimping my blog and chatting it up with looky-loos, my bad.
Whenever I did make it up I saw people checking out the photographs and trying to determine which ones were fake orgasms and which
were real. Mostly people got them all right, which was fantastic. However, some came up to me and jokingly said, "this makes me
question my history with sex and whether or not my partners were faking it all along." I'd like to see people try to fake NOT
having an orgasm while actually having an orgasm, that would make for good photos.
I'll put up photos later.
Posted in Life, Doing It, Sex, Desire, Pleasure, Current-Events, current events | 2 comments | 34 trackbacks
Posted by David Khalili
Thu, 10 May 2007 02:07:00 GMT
A couple in Atlanta, GA were sentenced to life in prison for the death of their six-week-old son after
only feeding the baby a vegan diet. Is breast milk vegan? The poor baby was 3lb when he died. Is this,
as the prosecuting attorney called it, "malice murder" or just ignorance on the parents part? Also,
the prosecuting attorney stated that it wasn't the vegan diet that killed the baby, it was the fact
that the baby was starved.
What is your emotional response to this? I highly doubt these parents had malicious intent, but is
a life sentence appropriate? Does intent matter?
News Article on this Issue
Posted in Life, Human Rights, current events, current affairs, Parenting | 5 comments | 114 trackbacks
Posted by David Khalili
Sat, 05 May 2007 18:09:42 GMT
Tonight I will be bartending an exclusive sex party in San Francisco. It's almost obnoxious how exclusive it is. In order to go, you need to be friends with another attendant for a while, you need to be rich and you need to be beautiful. The rich part interests me...because of tips. But believe you me, I will be taking a shite load of mental notes for this blog.
Last time I bartended for this party there were sexin and suckin and fuckin on every surface you can imagine, to be honest, not so impressive. It's intriguing like a train wreck is intriguing.
I'm fine with open debauchery, if you know me you'd definitely understand that. However the level of elitism involved in this specific function is hiiiiilaaaarious.
I'll keep you updated folks.
Posted in Life, Kink | 3 comments | 207 trackbacks
Posted by David Khalili
Fri, 02 Feb 2007 18:08:19 GMT
At the SFO airport. About to board onto a plane heading to Austin, Tx. Going back there for the first time since I moved back to the bay area. Should be odd. The weird thing is, the moment I arrive I hop in a car to drive 5 hours northwest to a vietnam vet reunion. I'm flying to TX to continue working on a documentary on vietnam vets with PTSD that I helped out on last year. I'm damned excited. The reunion last year was intensely emotional. Within 10 hours I felt every damn emotion known to man.
I'll keep you updated.
P.S. SOMA (muscle relaxants) are the way to fly for anxious folk.
Posted in Life | 3 comments | 22 trackbacks
Posted by David Khalili
Mon, 29 Jan 2007 03:53:47 GMT
How do I strike up a conversation with the cute Japanese girl in my class
that never says a damn thing? "So, you're taking Harmony 1 too, huh?
Yeah, how 'bout that circle of fifths, hoo! Man! More like circle of...
hey!"
Or I suppose a better question might be, do you have any tricks for
overcoming that nervous, paralyzing how-do-I-break-the-ice feeling?
awkwardly,
And with Little to Say
______________________________________
And With Little to Say,
so what you're saying is that this anxiety is hijacking
your ability to approach a cute Japanese girl in class, correct? You have to ask
yourself, "hey, me...yea, you, what is holding me, you, back?" The problem is
either your anxiety or the cute Japanese girl. Furthermore, the anxiety is most
likely caused by the existence of the cute Japanese girl, or the inverse is that
the cute Japanese girl's existence was created by your anxiety, which is kind of
intense in a science-fiction mixed with psuedo-philosophy way. As you can see, you
have quite a complex problem here my friend.
However, your humorous and awkward example is a great way to approach someone new.
You crack a joke and talk about something of similar interest. Another option
is that since you are in a class together you can play the role of a student
in need of support from a fellow classmate. "Hey cute Japanese girl, can you
explain to me about so and so."
The other thing is that you can attempt to rid yourself of trying to utilize tricks
by making sense of your anxiety. If you can make sense to yourself why you are
so nervous, then logically you can erase your anxiety. If your anxiety stems from
a fear or rejection, which is usually the case, then try to consider how her
rejection of you is quite a small problem in the big scheme of things. Plus,
chances are she's not going to outright shun you if you introduce yourself to her.
Introduce yourself to her, ask her questions, and answer hers. That's the best you
can do. If that doesn't work, wave your cock and balls at her, that'll ensure
rejection from her.
Posted in Info, Life, Cross-Cultural, Doing It, Sex, Questions Answered | 3 comments | 547 trackbacks
Posted by David Khalili
Fri, 26 Jan 2007 19:17:00 GMT
How do I keep from getting board(sic) and tired while giving handjobs?
Asked by "K"
1/24/07
___________________________________
Call a friend! Well okay, this is low-ball humor, but this can also be interpreted in
various helpful ways. For the purposes of this article let's assume that you
have tried little or no deviations from the normal twist and turn method.
Ergonomics
What part of your body is getting tired while giving handjobs? The muscles in your hands?
Your wrists? Your forearms? Consider your placement as well as his. While receiving a
delicious handjob kind of gives a sense of king on the throne whilst being fed grapes by
virgin Nubians, the HJ giver can call the shots as much as s/he wants. You may try to
attempt different positions that may give more rest to the muscles that give you the most
rest. Have him sit on a chair with you in between your legs. Rest your elbows on his knees
and have at it.
The best approach is to position yourself as if you are apart of him. Have
both you lay on your side, (spooning as you kids call it) and reach around and do the job.
This will give the romantic, sensual and sexual feeling of every inch of your bodies
pressed against each other.
Boredom
Boredom becomes an issue when you are not captivated, stimulated, or engaged. Involve
something that gets you going during the luscious hank wank sessions you're
giving your buddy. For women, ask your man to lay down spread eagle so that you can ride
his thigh like a mechanical bucking bronco in smokey western bars while you grip hard
onto his cock for balance. Essentially one of the best ways to steer clear from boredom
is to give yourself pleasure while you are pleasing him.
The larger point here is to bring the handjob into a realm where both partners are equally
involved. Rather than the seperation of the giver and the givee. If you are doing the giver
and the givee, you can turn it into a role play. Unless this is a role-play, there
shouldn't be a large emotional disconnect between the giver and the givee. Mutual
masturbation might encourage interest. Perhaps take a long walk off of a short pier
holding hand and hand, then once falling in the water, you each have to jerk the other off.
The one who comes first wins and gets to swim to the top of the water for air. Obviously
there are dire consequences in this game, however, attending juvenile games to pleasing
each other will make it playful, fun and captivating!
Posted in Info, Life, Education, Sexual Health, Doing It, Sex, Questions Answered | 4 comments | 3772 trackbacks
Posted by David Khalili
Thu, 25 Jan 2007 04:36:04 GMT
From Paul Abdul: 1/22/07:
How important is the "list" to men? It just seems that men are pretty callous and
don't give a fuck who they're fucking, so do they keep track? I know that this is
too general, but in general, you know, do most men keep track? And if so, is the
number that their lady friends sleep with a problem for most? Lets say I slept with
30 people. Would it scare a man off, or should I lie and say it was more like 3? I don't
know. This is a stupid question.
__________________________________________________
To Paula Abdul:
The "List" game is as old as the keys in a fish bowl game at swingers parties in the mid-west. Someone who holds any weight
against your character due to the number of people you've had sexual contact with is most
likely someone who is asking due to issues of jealousy and possessiveness.
Should you lie? Depends, are you looking for a one-night stand? Well then fuck yes lie. But
lie intelligently by giving a general number, something not too small to make the other
think you have no idea what you're doing and nothing too big so that they don't think
that you're Jenny from around the block.
Are you interested in something more long term, then if that answer gives you anxiety then
answer it when you're comfortable enough. We don't want you saying "30" while vomiting in
your partners lap.
So yes, play it by ear, by person, by situation, by context, and by attractiveness of genitalia.
Furthermore, what plays into these circumstances is notions of what a "normal" female sexual desire and life should be like vs. what a "normal" male sexual desire and life with be like. The whole Madonna V. Whore complex. If a straight male asks a straight woman this question, he's usually trying to get a gauge as to how skilled you are, but also how refined and feminine you are.
I have indeed heard a man said that he knows women who look masculine and aged, because...and I shit you not, "they have slept around so much with men that they have literally been filled with testosterone, which has taken over her body. Causing her to lose her feminine features and gain masculine features, hence looking "very aged." His words. I can go on forever on how wrong this is in so many ways; psychologically, biochemically, culturally, etc. But I'm digressing.
Stick to your guns and play it by situation. Be a sexual chameleon!
Posted in Info, Life, Sexual Health, Ethics, Doing It, Sex, Questions Answered | 5 comments | 237 trackbacks
Posted by David Khalili
Thu, 25 Jan 2007 01:56:43 GMT
At Work:
Coworker: Getting laid this weekend?
Me: *laughs* No, not unless the magical
fuck fairy shows up.
Coworker: Yeah, and she'll break your teeth if you're lucky!
Posted in Friends, Life, Kink, Doing It, Sex | 1 comment | 54 trackbacks